Boundaries: It’s Time To Stop Dancing With Dysfunction | Lysa TerKeurst

TL;DR Summary

Lysa TerKeurst delivers a compelling message on the importance of setting boundaries to prevent dysfunction in our relationships. She emphasizes that many people struggle with chaos and dysfunction because they fail to establish clear boundaries. This sermon explores how boundaries can be misunderstood and misused, yet they are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. TerKeurst’s insights are particularly poignant for those who feel trapped in relational patterns that are harmful or draining.

The core message of the sermon is rooted in scripture, particularly Genesis 1 and 2, where God establishes boundaries during creation. TerKeurst explains that boundaries are not only a good idea but God’s idea, designed for freedom and protection. By examining the biblical account of creation, she illustrates how God used boundaries to separate light from darkness and land from water, setting a precedent for order and freedom. She further explores the concept of access and responsibility, emphasizing that dysfunction arises when there is a mismatch between the access we grant others and the responsibility they demonstrate.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives and relationships, considering where boundaries might be necessary to restore order and peace. TerKeurst offers practical advice on how to communicate and implement boundaries effectively, ensuring they serve as tools for love and self-control rather than manipulation or avoidance. The sermon concludes with a reminder to keep our eyes on God, the ultimate Master, who guides us through relational complexities and helps us maintain the best of who we are.

Full Sermon Transcript

Hey Elevation I am so glad that you are worshiping with us today. The psalmist said I was glad when they said unto me let us go to the house of the Lord. I know that you’re happy to be here today no matter how you’re watching whether you’re joining us online or you’re here at one of our campuses. Today is a very special day. Every time we come together it’s special because there’s nothing like gathering together with God’s people. The Lord is here with us but today is extra special because today is our pastor’s birthday and I have to say the older this man gets the better he gets, the wiser he gets. Each year his preaching gets better. I don’t even know how that’s possible and I must say I think he’s getting more ripped with each year too. Can I say that? I just did. Okay put it in the chat if you’re watching with us online happy birthday Pastor Steven and if you’re sitting at one of our campuses look at your neighbor and say how about this new series. I’m feeling extra blessed because the first few weeks of the year we got to learn how to do the new you and then last week Steven told us that in the coming weeks he’s going to be using the Book of Joshua to show us there’s more to the story. Guys he was on fire last week forward not finished. If you missed it you gotta catch up. I told you he gets better with age.

So today we’re not gonna make the birthday boy preach but we do have a special treat for you. My dear friend Lisa TerKeurst is going to be bringing the message today. Lisa is no stranger to Elevation. She actually lives here in Charlotte and she joins us at Elevation when she’s not out preaching at other churches and doing events. She’s the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of more than 25 books. She just released her newest book called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes and I cannot wait to hear what the Lord has laid on her heart to teach us today. So will you put your hands together and help me welcome Lisa to the stage.

Hi well hi good morning good morning what a joy it is to be here with you. You guys can be seated thank you. It’s such an honor to be here at my home church speaking and um I’ll be honest I I’m kind of relieved Pastor Steven’s not seated on the front row. You know I speak everywhere but when I speak and he’s you know seated right in front of me that’s a little bit of a daunting situation so um although he did text me and say he’s watching online so then it kind of killed my relaxation with all of that. So Pastor Steven wherever you’re watching from I just say happy birthday to you and thank you thank you for what you give us each week and thank you for just being an incredible leader. Can we all thank Pastor Steven one more time.

So today I’m going to be talking about boundaries and we can’t talk about boundaries unless we talk about dysfunction right and and how many of us dance with dysfunction in our relationships. Now here’s the thing about dysfunction we all have it and here’s I could literally just hand the microphone down here and you could tell me about your dysfunction and and in your family you could tell me about dysfunctions in your family and you know you certainly could too. We could just keep passing around the microphone and if we got to someone and they said no absolutely there is no dysfunction they might be the dysfunction so we are not going to do that. But where there’s dysfunction there’s often chaos and where there is chaos that’s an indication that there is a need for a boundary in our relationships.

Now I know a lot of us hear the word boundary and we’re tempted to sort of cross our arms and push back a little bit and I get it because I would have thought the same thing before I studied boundaries like I have for the past many years and here’s why because I think many of us have had boundaries used in unhelpful and unhealthy ways. Maybe you’ve had somebody try to put a boundary on you to try to control you or to try to manipulate you or to try to punish you and so sometimes we hear the word boundary we take this step back and we just think no somebody did that to me once and it was utterly detrimental to my relationship or maybe some of us we’ve tried to implement boundaries in our relationships and we try to put a boundary on another person and we don’t do it to try to control them but maybe we have tried to do it to change them and we got so frustrated because we realized that ultimately we can’t change another person.

You see I think I’ve been in both of these camps and I was absolutely convinced that I wasn’t a girl but boundaries would really work for but the biggest reason that I had an issue with boundaries is I didn’t have the biblical confidence that God was okay with humans drawing boundaries and I also didn’t have the emotional fortitude even if I thought I needed a boundary I didn’t have the emotional fortitude to actually communicate the boundary implement the boundary and then stay consistent with the boundary and so I continued a very dysfunctional dance in some of my most important relationships. So today I do have a message that I want to preach and teach but mostly I just want to have a conversation a conversation heart to heart with you because I know what it feels like to walk in to this very place this very church building right here so broken-hearted because my most significant relationship was unraveling and I desperately wanted to save my family but I couldn’t be the only one to make changes and so I knew that boundaries were needed but because I didn’t have the biblical confidence that boundaries were okay nor did I have the emotional fortitude I just stayed in this very dysfunctional dance and it almost killed me.

So if some of you have walked in here today and you’re kind of desperate in your heart because maybe it’s one of your most important relationships or maybe it’s just a couple of relationships in your life and you’ve hit that spot where you say I just can’t take it anymore I want to assure you I’ve been right where you’ve been I’ve sat where you’ve sat I’ve cried where you might cry and today I think I’m going to give you a lot of hope. Now because we’re talking about boundaries and dysfunction and maybe you’re seated with some people and that you do life with and maybe that you have a like some tension with sometimes we’re going to lay down a couple of ground rules because I don’t want you poking your neighbor and saying did you hear her you really need to hear that I mean that was like straight from God to her to you you know what I’m saying and so we’re just gonna lay down some ground rules here so I want you to pick one of your neighbors and repeat after me this message is for me I will not use it against you okay now turn to your second choice neighbor that they’re not at all offended you didn’t pick them first truly and repeat after me this message is for me but you need it more oh dear just in case we haven’t had any dysfunctions stirred up in our life recently I just helped you out.

Okay so here’s part of the issue with dysfunction we get used to our own dysfunctions and we start calling things that are dysfunctional normal because we’ve just lived in it for so long right. My sister came to visit a couple of years ago and we had just finished a big renovation at our house. Now if you’re an electrician or a plumber this is not going to make sense to you but I promise you I’m absolutely telling the truth somehow my hot water heater got connected to the back flood lights of my house so in other words we would have hot water as long as the back flood lights were on but if you turned them off the hot water would go out. I know that makes no sense but I am telling you the truth that’s what happened so when my sister came to visit she’d driven quite a ways and then she decided to go take a shower so she’s in the middle of her shower and suddenly I hear her like stumbling upstairs opening the door yelling downstairs Lisa the hot water just went out to which I replied oh okay I’ll go turn on the back flood lights.

So after she finished her shower she came downstairs and um and she got really close to me like a sister would you know just right in my face and she said can you please repeat to me what you said when I told you the hot water was out and I said oh I said it’s because someone turned off the back floodlight so I just needed to turn those on and then you know you eventually got hot water back and then she got even closer and she said you know that’s not normal right you need to have that fixed and I said I know I’ve been meaning to make a little sign and maybe even laminate it and put it by the light switch for the back flood lights just instructing people I know I I need to make that fix and then she just shook her head and walked away because she realized I was dancing with dysfunction I was calling something normal that was not normal and it was time to call in the professionals but instead I did what’s called a workaround.

Now let me tell you why I did the workaround I grew up really poor and when you grow up in that way you don’t have money to hire the professionals so when things get broken you do what’s called a workaround right so it didn’t really occur to me that there was another way to fix it besides just putting a sign up but that wasn’t really fixing it that’s dancing with dysfunction and I think a lot of us are doing that in our relationships and so today I want to give you a picture of what healthy boundaries really look like so that we can stop dancing with dysfunctions some of our most important relationships. Now remember I said that I didn’t have the biblical confidence that God was okay with boundaries so I decided to open up the Bible right in Genesis 1. and you know if you have your Bible and you want to open it up you can turn to Genesis 1. isn’t that so fun when the preacher the teacher says turn to Genesis 1 because you can actually find it I just love it you’re welcome.

Okay so Genesis chapter 1 starting in verse 2. now the Earth was formless and empty Darkness was over the surface of the deep and the spirit of God was hovering over the waters and God said let there be light and there was light God saw that the light was good and he separated everybody say separated and he separated the light from the darkness that separation was a boundary and then it says in verse 5 God called the light day and the Darkness he called night and there was evening and there was morning the first day verse 6 and God said let there be a vault between the waters to separate everybody say separate to separate water from water so God made the Vault and he separated the water under the Vault from the water above it and it was so God called The Vault sky and there was evening and there was morning the second day and then God makes a separation between the dry land and the water and there was a separation so you see even from creating the foundations of The World God used boundaries in such healthy ways I’m convinced right here from Genesis 1 that boundaries are not just a good idea they are actually God’s idea.

But now let’s go over to Genesis 2 because this is where I really found some something just completely fascinating in Genesis chapter 2 starting in verse 15 it says this the Lord God took the man and put the man in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it and the Lord God commanded the man you are free date from any tree in the garden but you must not eat from the Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil for when you eat from it you will certainly die and I’m convinced at this point that the man did not write the one rule down because the very next verse it says in verse 18 the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him and women have been making lists for men ever since okay I’m just reading scripture Okay so but here’s the thing I’m so completely fascinated that of all the topics God could have chosen for this first recorded conversation with man that God chose the topic of a boundary think think of how many things that the Lord could have surely had to discuss with this man in this first reported conversation and yet he chooses the topic of a boundary why well if I look at the first three words that God says in this first recorded conversation God says you are free you see we serve a god of freedom and in order for there to be real Freedom boundaries have to exist so that we know if we know where those boundary lines are then we can run freely between them and that’s where real Freedom exists.

Can you imagine if if Adam was in the garden and he was tentative he didn’t know what was okay and what was not okay then it would it would always be kind of like this like I wonder if can I eat from this tree can I go here can I do this can I do that and you see that mystery was solved when God established the boundary and then Adam was truly free you are free to eat from any tree in the garden But Here Comes the one restriction you must not eat from this tree the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil for if you eat from it you will die now here’s what I learned in that first boundary that we see God establishing he did it for the sake of freedom and that one restriction he wasn’t overly restrictive but that one restriction it was for atoms protection do you know what the weight of eating from the Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil do you know the weight that that would put on Adam I’ll tell you what it is it’s when we turn on the TV and we hear about another school shooting when our best friend calls us and says that she has cancer it’s the weight of addictions and affairs and so many things that we hear about or that we experience the human heart was not originally supposed to experience that is the weight of the knowledge of evil and that’s what God said don’t do this not because he’s an overly restrictive God but because he was trying to protect Adam from what Adam didn’t know so it’s for the sake of Freedom there is a restriction but it’s for the protection in that relationship and also there’s a consequence if you eat from it you will die because a boundary without a consequence is nothing but a really bad suggestion right and so boundaries indeed they’re not just a good idea I see in scripture here that they’re actually God’s idea.

And so I kept reading in scripture and it isn’t that interesting that in the garden there was one rule given one rule can you imagine if we just still lived in that time like one rule we only had one to follow as a rule follower that would just be such a delight to my heart I mean it would just be amazing right but where there is sin there is dysfunction and where there is dysfunction there’s chaos and where there is chaos there is a need for order and there are more boundaries established the more sin that there is and by the time we get in the Bible to the law and the prophets what started out as one boundary now he has over 600 boundaries because sin had increased therefore boundaries also increased then by the time we get to the way that God establishes the temple this was the biggest Revelation to me of all you see when God establishes the temple he allows certain people access to certain places but not all people all access and it’s not because this group of people was more valuable than this group of people it’s that the more access you had the more responsibility you were required to demonstrate so the more access the more responsibility and the greater the consequence all the way to where the high priest had the greatest access the high priest once a year could go into the holy of holies to make atonement for the people but in order to do that in order to have that kind of access he had to demonstrate the absolute highest responsibility he had to be perfectly cleansed he had to put on special garments and if he did not then he would step into the holy of holies and he would drop dead greatest access greatest responsibility required those two words became really important to me as I started trying to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries helpful and utterly unhelpful boundaries access and responsibility and here’s what occurred to me we all have limited capacity in our life like we have limited Financial capacity in our bank account we have limited time capacity we have limited energy capacity and some people have a lot more energy capacity and some people are a lot lower capacity some people have a lot more financial capacity and others have lower capacity but regardless in all of these areas of capacity we’re Limited not because we’re selfish necessarily but because we’re human now if we get selfish with our capacity then God can certainly check our hearts on this but what I’m seeing more often in my life is that I start to have this notion that I’m Unlimited in some areas of my capacity where I’m very limited and then it causes me when I hyperextend or bankrupt my area of capacity because I’m saying yes to too much and I’m not properly managing my own areas of capacity then what happens to me is I start acting like I think I’m God because God is he is unlimited God has all the capacity and so when we start to act like we are Unlimited in our capacity then we start acting like God we are limited not because we’re selfish necessarily but because we are very very human.

So back to that word access if I am giving level 10 access to someone who is not demonstrating level 10 responsibility maybe they’re only demonstrating level three responsibility right the distance between the access that I’m granting them and the responsibility that they are demonstrating that distance right there that is where dysfunction grows that is where there’s chaos right and that’s where a boundary is needed now here’s the mistake I used to make I would go okay I’m giving level 10 access this person is only demonstrating level three responsibility so I know what I have to do I have to put a boundary on them to force them using external pressure to increase their responsibility up to the level of access that I’ve granted them so we can have a conversation with someone and request that they be more responsible but if they are unwilling or incapable of anything more than level three responsibility us putting a boundary on them is only going to cause more frustration you see we cannot possibly permanently change another person by using external pressure now think about today if someone had a cardiac event obviously those of us who know how to do CPR we would rush to that person’s Aid and using external pressure we would apply that pressure to make their heart beat and to create a change in their situation but at some point if their heart does not start to Quicken and beat on its own you cannot permanently sustain that change using external pressure right never have you seen two friends walking around the mall one doing chest compressions on the other and think wow that’s a sustainable healthy relationship right no so but I know the desperation I know the desperate feeling of something’s got to change and you know it that it’s the responsibility this person is not bringing that’s what’s got to change and so most of us just stay stuck in this frustrating place we know that changes needed to be made we make the changes that we can make but in a relationship if the other person is unwilling or incapable then that’s where that weird dysfunction starts to happen.

So if it’s utterly unhelpful to put a boundary on this other person trying to force them to change what do we do we put a boundary on ourselves we put a boundary on ourselves and if I’m giving level 10 access to areas of my capacity to someone who’s only bringing level three responsibility I cannot control another person but God does say evidence of his fruit inside of me one of those fruits is self-control and so I must reduce the access I grant to that person down to their demonstrated level of responsibility right so that equilibrium can occur in this relationship now here’s the really great news you guys are already doing this really really well in some areas of your life here’s how I’m going to prove this to you okay raise your hand if you have a bank account just raise your hand I’m not coming after your bank account today I just want you to know okay perfect how many of you have a password or a security code protecting your bank account raise your hand hmm is it because you’re selfish unchristian unkind not willing to give to others no that’s not at all you have a passcode and I didn’t say you could remember your passcode I’m just saying you have a passcode right but you have a passcode why because you have limited resources in your bank account and if you gave everyone in here access to your bank account then there may be some people in here who would be irresponsible and they would take so much of the money that you have in your bank account that you would become bankrupt therefore you put a security passcode there not because you’re selfish but because you are wise and because you want to be a good Steward of the resources that you have we know this with our financial capacity but we forget it in so many other areas of our life.

Okay so how does this really work how does it really work if you know that you have limited capacity and you’re reducing the access to to some area of Your Capacity down to their demonstrated level of responsibility how in the world do you even communicate that well in a very simple sense let’s say that you have a child in third grade last year that child was in second grade and the second grade teacher emails you and said you know last year you did the end of the year party for the second grade and you did such an amazing job we were just wondering I know you don’t have any children in second grade this year but we’re just wondering can you come back and can you arrange the end of the year party for the second grade now here’s the crisis that would happen in my heart first of all I would say they loved the way I did the end of the year party I mean this is such an honor wow right but then I was starting to get this pit in my stomach because my gut would say no absolutely not you do not have the time to do this but then why in the world does my mouth say yes and it just does because I kind of think their request suddenly has become my responsibility and and here’s the thing that really would wig me out I was so afraid that if I said no that they would be so disappointed in me and so I would rather carry the burden of saying yes rather than the burden of saying no um so I’m going to give you a simple little script this is about to change your life with apologies to the second grade teacher out there who’s wanting a third grade parent to do their end of the year party here we go here’s a simple way that you can reduce the access and communicate a really healthy boundary and still reflect the beauty of your own heart you can simply reply back thank you so much it’s such an honor that you requested this of me while my heart says yes yes yes the reality of my time makes this a no thank you and sign your name you don’t need to explain it my counselor you know I mean I think we can all do this right now my counselor has really worked with me on this and it was really important that I learned this you see I used to think I had to over explain I I still struggle with over explaining do we have any over explainers in the room okay remember do not poke your neighbor let them just say that they are an overexplainer okay so here’s what I would do I would say my heart says yes yes yes the reality of my time makes this a no and then I would start to explain all the reasons why and my counselor said this to me and it absolutely radically changed my thought process he said Lisa adults inform children explain good right.

All right all right so let’s go to something a little more challenging let’s say you have a friend possibly a family member but let’s say you have a friend and y’all love going to church together don’t poke your neighbor okay so you love going to church together however you have different definitions of being on time right and this is really causing some situational stress right okay so let’s say your definition of being on time is that you want to get there 20 minutes early you do why because you have got to get a parking space this is so funny I see somebody holding up blinders against their neighbor right now you’re cracking me up okay so your definition of being on time is to get there 20 minutes early because you wanna you wanna have time to park and actually walk through the parking lot right novel idea and then you want to get inside you want to go TT potty right because you don’t want to be sitting in there and be thinking about that so you wanted to go do that then then you want to be able to come in you want to get a seat you want to watch the announcements you want to be ready for the first note of the first praise song because that is being on time to you amen amen okay but let’s say your friend has a different definition of being on time their definition of being on time is that they can skirt in here before the last praise song is finished that is their definition of being on time right now here’s the here’s the deal are you bad for wanting to be there 20 minutes early no are are they bad they still want to go to church I mean they’re just getting here like before the last praise song is finished I mean maybe some of you think it’s bad but I say in in general that’s not bad it just means you have two different definitions of being on time right and so you realize that something’s got to change because every week you’re riding with them and they are making you late according to you and now you are sitting way up there in the balcony right or you may not even make it inside you may have to be sitting somewhere in the Overflow right and and now you’re so twisted up in a knot because you were ready you could have been down here on the floor that’s where you could have been right right and you could have gone Titi party you could see the announcements listen to all the praise songs and so now when they make you skirt in at the last moment and you’re out of breath from running through the parking lot and you had to park five miles away you know and now you finally get in your seat you are so twisted up in a knot that you cannot even enjoy anything because all you want is for Pastor Stephen to address the issues of this person that made you late uh-huh you know what I’m saying okay so you have a choice you could just start avoiding this person that’s what some of us do right so they call and say oh do you want to ride to church together and you could say oh you know I I would really love to go to church with you today I really would um the problem is I have to run errands before I go to church I mean and they’re one person errands just one and um and and so this other person when you’re communicating this they know something’s up and they’re going to personalize it and get their feelings hurt because they can’t quite figure out why you’re being distant and then you could possibly just try to still go with them and be late and you’re going to take it and take it and take it and take it and take it until one day you just cannot and you snap and you jump from trying to take it all the way over here to where you cannot take it anymore and you just skirt that friendship all together you see what a boundary does is it helps us avoid extremes the extreme of I’m going to take it and take it and take it until I’m so frazzled and fractured worn out and worn down that I just don’t even want to be that person’s friend anymore so you jump from that extreme all the way to you’re done boundaries what they really are is a way to bring the conversation back to the middle to avoid those extremes boundaries are nothing more than a conversational tool a healthy conversational tool where you can establish what is and is not okay in this relationship what you do have to give and what you don’t have to give what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate now obviously we need the Lord to check our hearts here you know we we don’t want to start being just absolutely irresponsible I mean I had you know possibly one of my many children try to draw a boundary this year at Christmas and they just said I do not have it to give to help wash any of the dishes to which to which I replied and I do not have it to give to put food on any of your dishes so neither of those are helpful or healthy right so we do it to check our heart we don’t want to draw boundaries to sort of be some sort of weapon to make us able to get out of our responsibilities we do have responsibilities and at the same time we have the responsibility to stay self-controlled in our relationships so you could simply have this conversation with this friend Hi friend I love going to church with you I really do is that true it is true right so don’t put a butt there because if you put a butt I love going to church with you but that sort of negates the fact that you love going to church with them okay so you put an and I love going to church with you and I have a different definition of being on time than you do that doesn’t make me right and you wrong or you right and me wrong it just means we’re different so here’s the deal I’m going to drive to church this week I would love for you to ride with me and I’m pulling out of my driveway at this time so that I can get there 20 minutes early if you would like to ride with me great be in my car at that time however let me give you some really awesome news if you are being more creative with your time so creative then we can just ride separately no big deal and I’ll save you a seat you can sit right beside me I’ll even catch you up on all the praise songs that we sing you know and we’re still going to be great friends and we’re still going to be at church together but we’ve just made the wise decision not to go to church together now what’s better having that conversation or getting so frustrated in that relationship you just don’t even want to be around that person at all you see boundaries help us bring it back to the middle and simply say here’s what I have to give and here’s what I don’t have to give here’s what I can tolerate here’s what I will not tolerate and it’s not out of a mean spirit it’s actually so that we can stay self-controlled.

I did this activity one time and I pulled out my journal and I wrote this is who Lisa is when she’s operating at her best I’m kind I’m generous I’m easy going all kinds of different qualities then on the next page I wrote and this is who Lisa is this is who I am when I get frazzled fractured worn down and worn out I am impatient I’m withdrawn I’m skeptical of everyone I don’t want to give anything to anyone now I ask myself the question which version of Lisa do I want to stay front and center in my relationships you see boundaries me drawing healthy boundaries me putting boundaries on myself so that I can stay safe sane stable and self-controlled it is my way of fighting for the relationship so I don’t have to spend so much time fighting against other people now what about the verse that says where Jesus instructs us to lay down our life for our friends Jesus not only instructed us to do that but he modeled it and you’re absolutely right Jesus absolutely modeled and taught to lay down our life for our friends and Jesus did this but never forget Jesus laid down his one life for a high and holy purpose Jesus did not lay down his life to enable bad behavior to continue amen amen.

Well I want to end today with what I feel like is the most important thing for us to remember in all of these boundary conversations and I’m going to do it by telling a story so many years ago my family decided that they wanted to go get certified to learn how to go scuba diving I thought this was an absolutely terrible idea for several reasons because sharks eat people every day and you know I don’t like to get my hair wet so there’s two really good reasons why I don’t want to get certified to go scuba diving um but they were so absolutely convinced that this is what we needed to do so we all signed up and we went to the classes and everything was okay in the classroom it was good and then we went and did our first dive in the pool and we did pretty good and then we did our next dive in a lake and that was okay but now it was the day it was time for our first big family dive in the ocean so we took the boat out and we all have on our gear and we get out into the middle of the ocean and the Dive Master gives us some last minute instructions for what to do then he instructs us to get in the water so we all get in the water and then he says okay you know the first thing you need to do is to let the air out of your Airbus and start to descend in increments and then we’ll all meet up 30 feet below the surface on the ocean floor and so we had practiced this enough where I knew exactly what I was supposed to do and so did everyone else so we all did it we we pushed the button to let the air out of our air vest and everyone else did exactly what they were supposed to do they started to descend in increments I let the air out of my air vest and nothing happened I am just floating on the top have you ever seen one of those movies where it’s like everybody in a group is okay but it’s the one person floating at the top that the shark comes to get uh-huh that was very much what I was feeling at that moment and I just kept saying in my brain don’t panic Don’t Panic don’t panic but sometimes my brain it does not send that message to my heart and in my heart I was absolutely frantic so I thought no big deal I don’t want to cause a scene I’m going to put my head down I’m going to swim to my people that’s not what you’re supposed to do but I did it so I put my head down and I started swimming swimming swimming to my people the problem was that my backside was like a cork very much drawn to the surface of the water I could not get down to my people eventually the Dive Master sees what’s happening and he swims up and he looks at me and he said um oh you’re you’re having um buoyancy issues and and I had got this look on my face like I didn’t quite understand what he was saying and he was like yeah you see fat floats when it’s in salt water excuse me I will cut you you need like you need to back it up Sir right you really need to be thankful you spent that I spent some time with Jesus this morning that’s what you need to be thankful for and so he could tell that I did not like that answer and he’s like oh oh but it’s no problem I know how to fix this for you so he gets on the boat and he gets this belt and he hands it to me says you just need to put this belt on we’re going to add some weight and it’ll force you to sink thank you sir that’s awesome and so I put the belt on and we start adding weights to the belt and then we add more weight and then we add more weight y’all nothing is happening and so then he feels the need to over explain what’s going on he said wow you need as much weight as a very large man to make you sink thank you I’ve waited all my life for a man to say that really truly and so finally he gets enough weight on my weight belt to where I do sing the problem is that my bottom is still pointed North at all times and so I I got down to where my paper were but I was like in v formation and there was nothing I could do at all and so there are my people and they’re all standing around I’m just hanging there and um have you ever been able to feel what someone else is thinking you know what I mean I could feel what my people were thinking they were thinking hey what’s up mom’s butt that’s what’s up just constantly up and it was just it was just not a good situation right and I was trying so hard to pretend like it was normal but it was a hundred percent not normal and so the Dive Master just gives us some little instructions using his hand and then he divides us up into groups and now we’re supposed to go and swim off with the person we were assigned to so I was assigned with my oldest daughter and so we had barely turned from the group and we started to swim from the group to go exploring and suddenly a creature out of nowhere whips right through us and Rams itself into my daughter’s head well I am absolutely panicked she is panicked and and I I’m looking around and all my other people are like it’s okay it’s okay I look at the Dive Master and he said it’s okay and I’m thinking yeah because all you people are skinny I’m the chicken nugget down here okay and so yeah you’re okay because that thing’s gonna come after me and give you all time to escape so the creature kind of went away for a little bit and my daughter and I are still tentative and we decide okay we’re just gonna keep exploring and the creature comes back and it Rams itself into my daughter’s head so hard that she completely panics and she jumps on top of me expecting me to be the solution to this issue well she causes so much of a stir that my other people start jumping on top of me now everybody’s looking at me to save their life but then I remembered my gift I ripped off that weight belt and we did rise oh yeah when we got up on that boat y’all I was like um my Badonkadonk saved all you people but the Dive Master came up and he was absolutely positively not impressed at all he just wasn’t and he looked at us and he said you all need to sit on the edge of the boat it was like we were in boat time out you know and he took his finger and he pointed it right at me he said do you know why you panicked down there he said you panicked because you took your eyes off the Dive Master and the Dive Master knows things you don’t know and you were never in any trouble the worst danger you created is by shooting up back to the boat without ascending in increments like you’re supposed to never take your eyes off the master never take your eyes off the master.

Relationships they’re wonderful until they’re not and you know I think the most important thing when you’re trying to have healthy conversations and Implement boundaries and I know so many of you have much more challenging situations than the second grade teacher and then your friend making you run late I know it because I’ve lived those really heartbreaking devastating situations and you’re hesitant to draw boundaries because you’re so afraid that if you draw a boundary that that other person will take something from you that they give you that you’re not sure you’d be okay without we will always desperately want from other people what we fear Our God will not provide keep your eyes on the master keep your eyes on the master the master knows things you don’t know stay in his word keep coming to church keep listening to the messages read helpful resources on boundaries and remember boundaries the ultimate purpose is to love others well without losing the best of who we are God bless you.

Thanks so much for watching the Elevation Church YouTube channel listen I wanted to let you know elevation nights is coming your way very very soon in just a few weeks April 18th through 27th we’re coming to Austin Texas Oklahoma City Minneapolis Kansas City Denver St Louis Fort Wayne and Toronto we can’t wait to see what God does in these nights so head over to elevationnights.com to get your tickets also don’t forget to subscribe to this YouTube channel so you don’t miss a single video or live stream thank you so much God bless.